just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
