I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Too much gin, very little bucket
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
