Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
