I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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