I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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