were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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