are you so shy because you have an std?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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