Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
