her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
