he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
