you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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