When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize