I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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