My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
