i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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