I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
