There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
