dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
