i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
