Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
