he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
