Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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