At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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