Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
