A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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