i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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