the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
