I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
