I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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