hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
