he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
