I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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