Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
