Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
