I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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