There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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