okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
