I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
