I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
