life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
