I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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