...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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