grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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