I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
