in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
