im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
