either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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