he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
