i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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