i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
