So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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