I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
