Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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