did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
