I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
