Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
