I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
