four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize