Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
