I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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