This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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