Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
