I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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