dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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