Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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