just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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