I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
