I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
