that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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