Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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